Sunday, March 22, 2009

Still here...

It has been a week of sorrow, denial, anger, guilt. There have also been moments of acceptance and relief (that she is not suffering.) I have also felt profound gratitude that I had her for the time I did.
I have been doubled over with the finality a couple of times. I still wake up expecting to find her nestled next to me. My co-workers have been very kind and family and friends have offered up support in ways unexpected and appreciated. All this and still, day to day things get taken care of. Food gets cooked and eaten, clothes worn and washed, work gets done. I breathe, smile, create, remember, cry, laugh and wish she were still around to remind me that her food bowl is not sufficiently filled. I know it gets easier, it has in some ways. I am taking it day by day, minute by minute.


Monkey Girl said...

It'll take time, be kind with yourself.

Angelina said...

It does get easier. I think the poignancy gets gentler. But you won't ever stop being sad she's gone. You'll just make a more comfortable place for the sadness to stay.

We still talk about Ozark all the time and though we were sad that he died he is never forgotten. Max especially keeps the Ozark stories alive by bringing him up all the time and we all fondly remember the scamp.

You will get there.

I can promise you that.

Jenn said...

Certain ones touch our hearts forever. Mine was Brownie a German Shorthair. We had him for 21 years. I got him when I was three. They can be even better than our family. They don't judge us, they stay next to us no matter how sick and disgusting we get, they always have time to listen and give comfort. I cannot say it will ease with time, or that you will find another. All I can offer is a quiet, "I know."